Lately, I have been dealing with a lot of hateful words and cruelty on social media. This is something that has been going on for years and on some occasions I have ignored it whilst on others I have stood up for myself.
The sad thing about all of this is that, when I read what people have to say about me, I read it in my own voice & sometimes their words echo in my head so loud that it kills me a little inside.. Where do people get such cruelty from ????? I will never know.
It is no secrete that I am physically a big girl, & I am not shy about it. I share a lot of sexy pictures of myself which tend to offend a lot of people because I do not have a “Chanel” “pretty” face or a flat tummy, my thighs touch, my arms aren’t skinny & my breasts are full. My face is far from perfect, I did not buy myself from a shop and personally choose my body parts. This is the me my God created & this is the me I am happy with. I am comfortable in my skin. I am open with my body & it is not a shameful thing. I will wear sexy clothes and embrace my body. People are okay when one says “I am fat. I am ugly. I will wear clothes that cover my fat body.” But as soon as you say “I am thick. I am beautiful. I will dress in whatever i want, no matter how tight or how revealing” it becomes a problem. What kind of a world are we living in ?
Some people choose to call me fat, and that’s okay, each to their own, but me? When I look in the mirror I see a beautiful, THICK, girl. Yes, THICK! I said it.
I love the word “thick” , it puts a lighter vibe to being plus size, it’s a feel good word & I take it with both hands. The word “fat” puts me off. It carries a lot of negative connotations & I have no space for negativity in my life.
I find it amusing how it’s the people who don’t know me personally who are quick to criticise my physical appearance & ironically, it’s the people who are least attractive who are the first to throw words like “Big nosed girl” “Ugly fat bitch” “Butter Face” (meaning nice body, but her face) “Slut” (because I post sexy pictures, I am promiscuous) or “Shreks sister” to describe me. Like? Take a look at yourself in the mirror & tell me you’re perfect.
I’ve always said to myself *If they don’t know you personally, don’t take it personal Lee*
As a teenager, I struggled a lot with not being “beautiful” & not meeting societies ideas of what “beauty” is but the day I let go of all my insecurities & self hatred, I never looked back but with social media, I am always reminded that is am not “pretty” which I refuse to believe.
“I did not know I was ugly until I joined twitter” -Dineo Ranaka
With the pictures I’ve posted with this text, u get an idea of what girls who look like me (girl who, according to society, aren’t “beautiful”) have to deal with. & it is so disappointing when men are the ones throwing such cruel comments around.
“Niggaz talk more than bitches these days” -Drake
This is why most black girls grow up without believing they are beautiful, because their brothers and fathers insinuate the idea that beauty is being light skinned, having flawless skin, thin waist, fit thighs that don’t jiggle when you walk, no stretchmarks or cellulite & this creates a lot of self hatred amongst girls who do not meet these expectations.
But i have learned that when someone hates me without ever talking to me or knowing me it is because they themselves have demons, insecurities, troubled souls that haven’t healed & the only way to deal with their problems is to bring me down so that I can also be in the dark place they’re in, but I will never allow them to have so much power over me.
It took me a long time to love myself and my flaws, it was either that or feel sorry for myself all my life, in this instance, the former was the better outcome.
People are insensitive & there is nothing I can do about it. I am a strong individual who is not easily bothered about what people have to say about me but I am also human, I have feelings and as much as I can easily brush off your hateful tweets & block you, I can never erase your words out of my head & sometimes it really hurts me. My mum has suggested I get off twitter but that would be a cowardly thing to do & I am not giving anyone the satisfaction of bringing me down.
These people are weak human beings. They thrive in being malicious and brining others down. And those who reply to such horrible tweets/posts with “LOL”s or laughing emoticons are just as guilty as the ones who posted them.
But my beautiful, thick self is gonna carry on representing big girls In the best way possible with sexy pictures and a big fat smile. That’s the best response to hatred at all times: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life!
PS: I have attached some of the hateful things that I have read and seen about me from complete strangers just to share what I have to deal with on a daily basis. These are a few, there are a lot more that are flouting around but these are the ones I managed to screengrab